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Saturday, December 25, 2004
Curently listening to: "Let's get it on" from Marvin Gaye
Current mood: sad
There's noone here to take me away, not even you BB, because your 5000miles away. I was reading this girl's blog. A girl, whom i used to chat over IRC every now and then. Her name was Lizzy. I doubt she'll remember me... but all her entries was about Paul. Even though i may have not known Paul, like she did, but the pain.. the thoughts she has on him, just brought everything back. The week, where i felt like i was going crazy and BB had to come and save me from doing something stupid. Now that i'm all alone, i think.. i think.. how its going with Kissy and Tuan's family.. i think..of his hands..i picture him sleeping. Even though, i know Paul's peacefully sleeping, and i know he wants everyone to be happy and strong, and go on with their lives.. but its just so complicated for some. I'm one of the minority. But for the majority, i dunno.. i don't know what to say.. Merry Christmas Paul. I'm not a religious person, but i hope your having the time of your life, with a fiesta up there..
Posted at 12:48 am by linhE
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Friday, December 24, 2004
Currently listening to: Lift Off by Johan Gielen (ID&T radio)
Current mood: lazy
BB left last night @ 10pm. I'm counting the days, until he comes back... because i'm going to be so bored. My days are going slower... Work is annoying, due to the xmas rush, everyone's doing their late shopping. It's been so busy @ work. Although i'm not a festive person this time of the year, i just want to wish everyone a very merry christmas and a happy new year. *cringes*. That comin' otuta me, just seems so wrong.. but anyways... only another 30days to go. Don't know how Dom does the long distant relationship thing.. shizza. My plans for the next two weeks, is work. Atleast that keeps me occupied. Anyways, moving on..
Posted at 11:51 am by linhE
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Currently listening to: mr.pooter's fan
Current mood: ord
Yeah, my excessive late night of going out, finally caught up to me. I have now bags under my eyes, and my routine is absolutely effed. It's 1:30am and i am BORED. So yeah, might go eat and watch a movie. Well, i'm gonna get back in the habit, in designing soon.. cause i'll have a lot of spare time on my hands, and yeah.. not looking forward to this weekend. BB leaves on Thursday..nothing to blog about. Work all week next week, its going to be so fun. But yeah, i should really get my room organised, so i can look forward to stayin home more. Anywyas, the complete Sex In The City DVD set, 1 to 6 comes in this cute shoe box.. for only $238.89 cents. Yes, that's only two hundred and thrity eight dollars, and eighty nine cents. I think i shall go save up two hundred and thirty eight dollars and eighty nine cents now.. =/
Posted at 12:34 am by linhE
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Saturday, December 18, 2004
Currently listening to: "Negative Things" by Selwyn
Current mood: tired
As a cutter, noone actually understands. The thought of having too much emotion, which is too overwhelming, is to great that you have to ease the emotion through cutting. Stupid i know. But that's how it is. After seeing Paul, there was too much emotion within me, added up was my shit stirring with my relationship, which made it worse. I was sad, i was angry, i was annoyed. There was that temptation to pick up a knife, a blade or even a pair of scissors to just cut through my skin. The feeling, is just so relaxing and easing. The sight, just so satisfying.. But noone understands this. I really appreciate BB for being there, and taking me away from this. Taking me away from all my thoughts, because i was alone too much for too long. Thinking about nothing, but something. Even though my stupidity kinda takes over, and makes me do stupid actions, i have to say i really appreciate him, for picking me up, and giving me a chance to run away.
At this moment, i'm happier.. i'm moving on. Although there are many who are still affected by this, i can say its contagious. Another three deaths occured this morning, except it was my fish. My healthy fish. *sigh* But apart from that, i'm still thinking of Paul, and i'm glad i said my goodbye's, even though BB suggested it was a bad idea. I'm grateful for seeing him for one last time. I now have this vague memory of Paul, still beautiful as ever, however, he was sleeping ever so peacefully. =)
To everyone, i appreciate their kind thoughts on PAul, and their regards on Tuan & Kissy.
Thank you.
Posted at 09:53 pm by linhE
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Thursday, December 16, 2004
Tears from Heaven... goodbye Pauly
I saw Paul for the first time in what seemed like months, and the last time which will be forever. I was so scared, to walk in but looking in the room, there were many sitting among others accompany the family which they had lost their son. There at the front, was Kissy, looking above him. As i walked up, i didn't know what to do or say, and i immediately gave her a hug, that's when it hit. The longer i stared at him, the more tears came rolling down my face. It just seemed so surreal. It was like, he's sleeping and he was going to wake up and just go "Hey.. wassup cuuuuuzzzzz..". I told her i had a card for Paul, and i would like her to give it to him. In it i wrote:
" Hey Paul,
Thanks for dropping by my front door and leaving a note. I'm now returning the favour to your "new" front door... Thanks for the O.C. I'll be thinking of you, i hope you'll be thinking of me too.. Love Always, Linh.E"
The last thing, Paul gave me on November 6th, 2004 was episodes 19-27 of the O.C on a CD with a little note.
Now that his presence is gone, his spirit is still with us. It was hard saying goodbye, just staring at his hands, his face, his body.. it just seemed like he is still alive, but sleeping.
Goodbye Pauly,
You gave Kissy the courage to be strong. You gave us the memories and laughter. And you gave your family the love.
Thanks Tony for taking me today, i really did appreciate it. Sorry for giving you a partial heart attack.
In tribute, to anyone who has known him, met him or seen him, please link this link to you site.
http://www.dearpaul.tk
Posted at 09:34 pm by linhE
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Wednesday, December 15, 2004
tears from a distant friend..
I have never cried so much over a distant relationship with someone.
It was so hard writing a letter in tribute to this one person that has affected so many people greatly.
I'm going to visit him tommorrow, and pay my respects. I just hope i don't break down, like i did whilst recapping the memories of this one person. I'm still accepting the fact that his gone. We were meant to share our shuffling moves together..
Posted at 12:43 pm by linhE
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