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Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Currently listening to: mr.pooter's fan
Current mood: ord
Yeah, my excessive late night of going out, finally caught up to me. I have now bags under my eyes, and my routine is absolutely effed. It's 1:30am and i am BORED. So yeah, might go eat and watch a movie. Well, i'm gonna get back in the habit, in designing soon.. cause i'll have a lot of spare time on my hands, and yeah.. not looking forward to this weekend. BB leaves on Thursday..nothing to blog about. Work all week next week, its going to be so fun. But yeah, i should really get my room organised, so i can look forward to stayin home more. Anywyas, the complete Sex In The City DVD set, 1 to 6 comes in this cute shoe box.. for only $238.89 cents. Yes, that's only two hundred and thrity eight dollars, and eighty nine cents. I think i shall go save up two hundred and thirty eight dollars and eighty nine cents now.. =/
Posted at 12:34 am by linhE
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Saturday, December 18, 2004
Currently listening to: "Negative Things" by Selwyn
Current mood: tired
As a cutter, noone actually understands. The thought of having too much emotion, which is too overwhelming, is to great that you have to ease the emotion through cutting. Stupid i know. But that's how it is. After seeing Paul, there was too much emotion within me, added up was my shit stirring with my relationship, which made it worse. I was sad, i was angry, i was annoyed. There was that temptation to pick up a knife, a blade or even a pair of scissors to just cut through my skin. The feeling, is just so relaxing and easing. The sight, just so satisfying.. But noone understands this. I really appreciate BB for being there, and taking me away from this. Taking me away from all my thoughts, because i was alone too much for too long. Thinking about nothing, but something. Even though my stupidity kinda takes over, and makes me do stupid actions, i have to say i really appreciate him, for picking me up, and giving me a chance to run away.
At this moment, i'm happier.. i'm moving on. Although there are many who are still affected by this, i can say its contagious. Another three deaths occured this morning, except it was my fish. My healthy fish. *sigh* But apart from that, i'm still thinking of Paul, and i'm glad i said my goodbye's, even though BB suggested it was a bad idea. I'm grateful for seeing him for one last time. I now have this vague memory of Paul, still beautiful as ever, however, he was sleeping ever so peacefully. =)
To everyone, i appreciate their kind thoughts on PAul, and their regards on Tuan & Kissy.
Thank you.
Posted at 09:53 pm by linhE
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Thursday, December 16, 2004
Tears from Heaven... goodbye Pauly
I saw Paul for the first time in what seemed like months, and the last time which will be forever. I was so scared, to walk in but looking in the room, there were many sitting among others accompany the family which they had lost their son. There at the front, was Kissy, looking above him. As i walked up, i didn't know what to do or say, and i immediately gave her a hug, that's when it hit. The longer i stared at him, the more tears came rolling down my face. It just seemed so surreal. It was like, he's sleeping and he was going to wake up and just go "Hey.. wassup cuuuuuzzzzz..". I told her i had a card for Paul, and i would like her to give it to him. In it i wrote:
" Hey Paul,
Thanks for dropping by my front door and leaving a note. I'm now returning the favour to your "new" front door... Thanks for the O.C. I'll be thinking of you, i hope you'll be thinking of me too.. Love Always, Linh.E"
The last thing, Paul gave me on November 6th, 2004 was episodes 19-27 of the O.C on a CD with a little note.
Now that his presence is gone, his spirit is still with us. It was hard saying goodbye, just staring at his hands, his face, his body.. it just seemed like he is still alive, but sleeping.
Goodbye Pauly,
You gave Kissy the courage to be strong. You gave us the memories and laughter. And you gave your family the love.
Thanks Tony for taking me today, i really did appreciate it. Sorry for giving you a partial heart attack.
In tribute, to anyone who has known him, met him or seen him, please link this link to you site.
http://www.dearpaul.tk
Posted at 09:34 pm by linhE
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Wednesday, December 15, 2004
tears from a distant friend..
I have never cried so much over a distant relationship with someone.
It was so hard writing a letter in tribute to this one person that has affected so many people greatly.
I'm going to visit him tommorrow, and pay my respects. I just hope i don't break down, like i did whilst recapping the memories of this one person. I'm still accepting the fact that his gone. We were meant to share our shuffling moves together..
Posted at 12:43 pm by linhE
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Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Lets talk about clothes..
Currently listening to: "Hit 'Em Up" by Tupac
Current mood: tired as hell
Well, today was spent shopping. Heading to Chatswood, and getting lost then did a 5hr non stop walking marathon everywhere in the city. I spent $200 to the last cent, on attempting to buy some summer tops. What shits me, is the fact that i don't care about the price, but with that amount of money you have to because if you buy say a nice Sass & Bide top there goes like 40% of that $200. So i had to result to like the department stores with good quality shit! So, let me tell you guys how a girl operates. Well, how I operate. I like to buy random things. Random things, include jeans that may make you look like a fob honkie, because its so hard to match up with these particular jeans. Satisfied with what you bought, you then realise that you have nothing to match up with these jeans. So then goes the conquest of buying things to match up with these jeans, but instead you don't buy things to match up these jeans, you buy things that match up with all your other clothes and things, except these jeans. So now, you have a pair of $165 Lee jeans locked up in your cupboard, which has no use. Exchange? Refund? Hmmm.. nah, maybe just maybe one day.. these nice $165 jeans might come into fashion in like the next generation where you won't fit them, but think you can. So yeah, lets talk about how selfish i am now. With all you genorous and considerate people who buy xmas gifts for so and so, with the feedback of comments on my blog about the minimal amount of money, i can say heh.. i don't buy gifts for anyone buy myself. Mainly because my family does not celebrate xmas, which has made me this very extreme pessimist on this particular day. Yes, we are celebrating the birth of Jesus. Which means giving and sharing and all of the above. Hmmm, i'd buy things for my parents, but when i do or should i say did, they just chucked it in the closet and never made use of it again. So yeah, its time to save up for more clothes now.. yay for me... $400 down this week, hard work the rest of the month now. Argh..
Posted at 06:32 pm by linhE
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Monday, December 13, 2004
Currently listening to: "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls
Current mood: not happy..
Fate is a weird thing. Death is a weird thing. It comes when its least expected. To detemine your fate, is inevitable yet impossible, because it comes when the least expected. It was fate, when Paul picked me up, whilst with Kissy. It was fate, when i got his call, asking about the basic deets, then suddenly that awkward feeling of confusion and that funny laugh of his shook the conversation when he was like "um uh.. oops i wanted your cousins number.. hehe" It was fate for Paul to find his true love. I feel so helpless. I feel so guilty for not being a good friend, attempting to call, letting us drift. All i can say is, Paul is now resting in peace, knowing that he was loved and cared for by all. That's the first and foremost thing everyone once. To love and be loved, in return. I hope you get through this baby girl, i know you will. You now have a guardian angel looking above you constantly forever now..
REST IN PEACE PAUL.THANH.NGUYEN 10/04/85 - 12/12/04
love always, your future distant cousiin in law - Nguyet Linh Ly.
Posted at 01:38 pm by linhE
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